It all started like this…

http://learningtolovelife.blogIts not easy… It was never easy to think of my life without him, but I am trying to live with our dreams which were meant to see together, trying to see them from his perspective too.

High res_ copy

Being youngest of three siblings, I was pampered a lot in my childhood and it continued even after I got married. It was an arranged marriage. Manu, as I used to call him, used to treat me like a child and he continued to pamper me. We did have our share of shortcomings in our personalities but we were complimentary to each other. Numbers were french to me and he was a serious finance person. Being interested in artistic stuff was my forte and he was quite naive in that matter. But as usual, opposites attracted and we developed a strong bond over a period of time. We started our journey together, with unspoken promises, unexpressed feelings and untold respect for each other. He respected my immaturity, I respected his sincerity.

Love was blooming and so was our first child. We were waiting for its arrival so eagerly. I wanted a girl and he wanted a healthy baby. And Shreya came.. She was so tiny, he was scared to hold her and I could feel his sense of fear and responsibility for that tiny creature. His eyes told me thanks and my eyes were teary. We had found our third partner for the long journey we were in. Shreya filled our life with so many feelings. To handle a small child one needs to have patience which I was severely deprived of. Manu and me started to learn to be good parents and Shreya really helped us in that:).

407047_10150520455510509_428599227_n

Now we were three to experience the life together. Shreya was almost four years. We had lived almost in four cities by now. Goa was the current city we were living in. That was the time when we decided to have another baby. By this time Manu and I had developed a great compatibility. We had our share of fights as well but respect for each other and feeling of being emotionally secure in each other company was enhanced. Having a child increases the sense of responsibility and commitment. Shreya being quite an independent child was an added help to me. She was a perfect child for two of us.

With Shardul, our son, we achieved the milestone of a complete Indian family:) Unlike Shreya, Shardul was a very quiet child, easy to survive with. In all standards, we were a happy family. Two adorable kids, handsome charming and loving husband and a descent lifestyle, what more I could ask for.

423915_10150520455745509_1385405558_n

People say that time flies. And it really flew away. Kids had grown up to the children. We were stable in life. Manu had planned a secure future for us. We were not aware then that β€œ life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.” Life had certainly other plans for us in store.

It was May 2015, Manu was getting a better job opportunity, and we planned to shift overseas. He went there before us to join. We joined him on may 23rd, 2015. We had no idea that we were going there for something we could not even think of.

I can control my destiny, but not my fate. Destiny means there are opportunities to turn right or left, but fate is a one-way street. I believe we all have the choice as to whether we fulfil our destiny, but our fate is sealed.
–Paulo Coelho

It was Wednesday the 27th. We had reached there three days before only and were trying to set our new home. After a long day of arranging the home, we were planning for a movie and suddenly he complained of some discomfort. Being in a new country, I did not take any chance and immediately called some friends. They helped me to get him admitted in the Hospital. Next day he showed some sign of improvement and we were happy. But this happiness was very short-lived. In the midnight doctor told me that things had started worsening. It was fateful morning of 29th when he took his last breath. I was numb. In five days my world was changed. I was just standing with my two children in the hospital corridor of an unknown country amidst strangers. I had no sense of any feeling. I was standing there with a feeling that he had cheated me by leaving like this. With no family members around, I had no liberty of crying as I did not want my children to feel helpless. “You need to stand strong Seema” my mind was saying while my heart was urging me to cry. And I was standing like statue. Why me? Why Manu? My questions to myself were knocking at the door of my mind. And I had no answers.

19424391_10154718851225509_2878622936373863380_n copy

Life was shattered, everything was changed in one moment. I realised that now there was a long journey to travel alone. I looked at him and he was smiling. Probably he wanted to say goodbye with a smile only. Or he might had that confidence while going that I would be able to manage. I wanted to tell him that I wont be not able to manage without him. I wanted to tell him that I didn’t want to manage without him. Please come back Manu!

Continued…

Plant on my desk..:)

 

So I decided to keep this plant at my desk, while after a long time, I was including plants in my home decor and this all was intended to give life a new look. Very little did I know that this mini creature was going to be an inevitable part of my life. Every new twig, brings a beautiful smile on my face and I start my day with a whole positivity.  I have heard somewhere that plants look like the people the live with. Am I also growing with small twiggy things in my mind? Again I am smiling and this plant is smiling too….

Mesmerising Ganga Arti..

Banaras is my home town and I try to visit my family, at least once in every year. This March I was there for a week. My brother asked me to experience the Ganga Arti. So we planned to be there for the Arti. Normally people go for the Arti in the evening though it happens in the morning as well. The evening arti is much elaborated one and it is one of the tourist attractions too.

05FC17A8-E271-4490-8BF6-F25A53C4D733
Bhaia and me..
It was almost 6 in the evening. People were gathering for the Arti. The preparation was in full swing. People go there to witness it for various reasons. Some of them are local devotees, few of them are tourists. Foreigners find it quite interesting and capture it in detail. Indian photographers and bloggers πŸ™‚ are also present in a big number.

Hawkers, flower vendors were all around the place. For Arti they were selling flowers, kids were buying toys and women were buying artificial funky jewelleries of Banaras. Tourists from other countries go there for temporary tattoos. Its so interesting to see those little children talking to foreigners in their own english language. When I asked one girl about what she was trying to sell, she replied “its not for you Indians.” I was shocked and amused at the same time. I was not sure if she found me unable to appreciate her stuff or not capable of paying for her expensive tattoos. Reality check!! We are in India girl!!

Ganga Arti028
The girl who made me think twice:)

Now after this short dialogue, I looked around. They were almost done with the arrangements. People had started sitting on the steps of the ghat. Boats were arranged on pay basis for the people who wanted to experience this whole event from the river side.

Arrangements for the arti is also a detailed part. Keeping all the varieties of ready lamps, flowers and bells in a perfect order surely is a talent . They are so organised and experienced.

And finally the Arti began. People took their positions. Everyone was so excited. They were going to be a part of a worldwide famous event. So many cameras just peeped out. They even blocked my view though I was sitting on an elevated stage.

Ganga Arti044
Cameras in front of me..
People were trying the steal and store these moments in their pictures, write ups and videos.

All of sudden the full ambiance was filled with so much positivity. So many priests positioned together started the Arti. It was dark now and their lamps were the only source of light. I just lost myself for few moments. It was a life time experience for sure. Sound of bells was making it more magical. People were sitting with their hands together in Pranaam mudra. Don’t know why but felt tears in my eyes. When feelings can not be expressed in words, they just find the other ways.

Arti had taken charge of every one’s mind. One after another they were performing steps and sacred chants were all over the place. We were just speechless by what we were seeing.

We came back home with a thought, an experience and so many memories. An out of world feeling. Spiritual, religious, aesthetic, what ever it was, it was amazing….Incredible Indian feeling…

 

The gift.

My son gifted me this on my birthday. I was so awestruck. Kids do such things at times which leaves us speechless. Love u kiddos.

Start of the day with a beautiful rainy morning:)

Ah so now, it is much talked about, Mumbai rains. Sitting in my home and enjoying the rains with my morning tea. This lil plant is giving me company:). Its so breezy and cool. Finally, Mumbai is growing on me…..